Bite Me: A Love Story Chapter 11

11. Being the Chronicles of Abby Normal, Pathetic Failure to All Creatures Great and Small I have flopped as a flunky, a sweetheart, and an individual by and large, and that doesn't tally Biology 102, which I am still absolutely coming up short notwithstanding really going to class twice. The Countess has been away for like seven days, and nobody has seen her or the vampyre Flood. I've gone searching for them, for the most part when I should be at school. I don't have a clue where to look. I sort of stroll around inquiring as to whether they've seen an absolutely hawt redhead and they either rush away truly quick or, on account of one person, who I speculate was a pimp, offered me a thousand dollars to carry her to him on the off chance that I discovered her. At that point he extended to me an employment opportunity, since he stated, â€Å"Johns go for that thin Lolita shit.† What's more, I was all, â€Å"Oh, that is exceptionally complimenting, sir. Much thanks to you. When I discover my companion I will bring her back and we'll both be glad to support the disturbing choads of unpleasant outsiders and give all of you of our cash alongside any self-esteem we may have left.† Also, he was all, â€Å"You do that, little momma. You do that.† Which is simply one more explanation that I have to discover the Countess and beseech her pardoning, in light of the fact that my new telephone has video and I can hardly wait to post a clasp on my blog of Jody dispersing grisly pimp parts everywhere throughout the Tenderloin. (The Countess has addressed me about regarding myself and how a lady should never forfeit her poise to a man except if he gives her adornments or is a smoking cutie and has an occupation, so I think there will in any event be broken bones and a beating of numerous hues.) Obviously there's a deficiency of hookers and vagrants in the City, it was on the Chronicle's Web website. They revealed it like it really was ideal, VICE ARRESTS DOWN or something, and another article about destitute asylums having a lot of space unexpectedly. OMFG! They're kitty treats, you douche spouts! That is the reason I would not be on the school paper. Writers are neglectful of the undeniable and they won't let you state fuck. ‘Kayso, when I at last returned to the affection sanctuary, the windows were completely barricaded with compressed wood and Foo and Jared had like ordered the entirety of the rodents and had them piled up and marked and so forth. Thus, I, as, ran into Foo's arms and kissed him a decent significant time-frame, at that point I glanced around and I was all: â€Å"They're dead. Our space is brimming with dead rats.† Furthermore, Jared is all, â€Å"Not dead. Undead.† So to Foo I'm all, â€Å"‘Splain, s'il vous plaã ®t.† Furthermore, Foo resembles, â€Å"It's stunning, Abby. You simply need to infuse them with a little vampyre blood and it turns them, yet not until you slaughter them. It took us some time to figure that out.† â€Å"So you executed all these rats?† â€Å"I did,† goes Jared. â€Å"It made me dismal, however I'm alright with it now. Science.† â€Å"How?† Also, Foo says, â€Å"Potassium chloride.† At precisely the same time Jared says, â€Å"With a hammer.† Also, Jared gets all huge frightened anime eyes and resembles, â€Å"Yeah, potassium chloride. That is the thing that I meant.† Furthermore, I'm all, â€Å"You have been slaughtering and vamping rodents while the Countess and Tommy are lost and the entire city is papered with missing feline flyers, and like Chet and his flunkies are eating all the destitute and presumably the hookers?† What's more, they resembled, â€Å"Well-yeah.† â€Å"And I needed to work and go to class,† says Foo. â€Å"And clean my car.† What's more, Jared's everything, â€Å"And we've been making daylight coats for those two cops, which takes like a million little wires.† And he, similar to, focuses to our foot stool, which is the main surface that doesn't have confines brimming with dead rodents, and there's not coats there, simply, similar to, coat molded nets of wire with little glass globules all over them. What's more, I'm all, â€Å"Cops can't wear those. They look like robot lingerie.† Also, Jared is all, â€Å"Trs cool, non?† â€Å"No!† I go. â€Å"And don't further endorken the French language by wrapping your disturbing penis port around it. You'll demolish the entire language before I even learn enough to communicate my profound depression and dim wants en franã §ais, you rodent smasher.† ‘Kay, I realize that was somewhat cruel, yet I was irate, and with all due respect, I was pounding Foo's leg a little when I said â€Å"dark desires,† so I said it with affection. Foo's everything, â€Å"We didn't have the opportunity to really get coats. They should be calfskin and they're expensive.† So plainly in spite of his frantic ninja science abilities, even my cherished Foo can't be left without female oversight. In any case, he has been returning home of late, and his folks are an awful effect on him. So I'm similar to, â€Å"I got this. I'll go see Lily.† Lily is my reinforcement BFF. She used to be my BFF, and yet I met Lord Flood and the Countess, Lily got a book via the post office at her work, which is Asher's Secondhand, and it persuaded her that she is Death, so I'm all, â€Å"Whatever, ho.† Furthermore, she was all, â€Å"Free to live my own bad dream, skank.† So we were cool. ‘Kayso, I took the 45 transport from the dead-ratted love refuge to North Beach. Strolling through Chinatown kind of drags me out 'reason for all the Chinese grandmas in the city, who I'm almost certain are discussing me since they think I have destroyed Foo with my Gothy-Anglo charms. Additionally, I get frantic diminish total longings for which I ought to sometime look for treatment, or, similar to, snacks. ‘Kayso, at Asher's, Lily comes out from behind the counter and gives me an embrace and a major kiss on my brow (since she is taller than me notwithstanding having surplus boobage). What's more, I'm similar to, â€Å"There's a major violet lip print on my temple, huh?† What's more, Lily goes, â€Å"Kiss of Death-become acclimated to it, beyotch-matches your hair tips, trs cute.† So I'm all, â€Å"‘Kay.† It wasn't generally the kiss of Death, however it matched my tips. At that point I was all, â€Å"Lils, I need men's cowhide coats in these sizes.† I gave her the note Foo worked out with the sizes and cut and so forth. Also, she was all, â€Å"WTF, Abs? Fifty long? You purchasing a coat for an orca?† â€Å"Ginormous gay cop. You got it?† â€Å"Yeah. You wanna smoke a clove?† Also, I'm all, â€Å"Do you have enough violet lipstick?† Because smoking is, similar to, the most noticeably terrible for your lipstick and it matched my hair. Also, she's everything, â€Å"Bitch, please.† Meaning, â€Å"Do I ever not have enough makeup?† Which is valid, in light of the fact that Lily conveys a PVC ROBOT PIRATES errand person sack you could shroud a little child in, just she conveys magnificence items. So I was all, â€Å"‘Kay.† So Lily and I went out the secondary passage and gazed at the Dumpster like it was the very chasm of our depression while we smoked. Also, I'm simply preparing to educate her concerning the affection nest, and Foo, and vampyre kitties and all, since I've kind of been in sweetheart mode, in this way, as, out of contact, which Lily thoroughly gets. Furthermore, Lil resembles, â€Å"So, the huge gay cop have a Hispanic partner?† What's more, I'm similar to, â€Å"Rivera and Cavuto. Hard day occupants, however Rivera sort of has a mystery operator vibe. You know them?† What's more, Lily is all, â€Å"Yeah, they were here yesterday. Rivera wears costly suits. Scents great, as well. I'd do him.† What's more, I'm similar to choking. â€Å"Lils, he resembles a thousand years of age, and a cop. The Motherbot was getting soft over him. OMG! You're disgusting!† â€Å"Shut up, I'm not saying I'd do him typical. I mean like zombie Apocalypse caught in the shopping center just before we need to shoot each other to shield them from eating our cerebrums and going us to the undead-then I'd do him.† So I'm all, â€Å"Oh sure, then.† To improve her vibe, since she doesn't have a BF and regularly oversluts to redress, however I despite everything thought it was disturbing. However, to change the subject, I was all, â€Å"So what did they want?† â€Å"They were soliciting assorted types from superfluous horse crap. Had I seen any weird felines, did I see the Emperor, or some redhead.† What's more, I'm all, Fucksocks! Fucksocks! Fucksocks! inside. Be that as it may, outwardly I'm all chill and I'm similar to, â€Å"So, you like knew nothing, right?† â€Å"No, Asher said a hot redhead came into the store an evening or two ago, and afterward I was on the link vehicle the previous evening, going down to Max's Deli for a sammy, and I think I saw her going into the Fairmont Hotel. Like an insane cape of long red twists I would butcher doggies for.† â€Å"Red cowhide jacket?† â€Å"Sweet red cowhide jacket.† â€Å"You didn't let them know, did you?† Furthermore, Lil's everything, â€Å"Well, yeah.† Furthermore, I was all, â€Å"You traitorous whore!† And I punched her in the shoulder. With all due respect, you should tell your ex-BFF when you get new ink, so the shouting was totally preposterous. I had no chance to get of realizing that she had another tattoo on that shoulder, so her punching me in the boob was absolutely inappropriate. Thus, I'm ouching trs noisy and this Russian woman from upstairs looks her head out the window and she's everything, â€Å"Quiet it would be ideal if you is seeming as though consuming confirm there.† ‘Kayso, Lils and I begin to snicker and state, â€Å"Like bear,† again and again until the Russian woman hammers the window shut, similar to manage. At that point it returns to me and I'm all, â€Å"Lils, I need to get those coats and get to the Fairmont. I need to spare the Countess.† Furthermore, Lily resembles, â€Å"‘Kay,† not in any event, asking subtleties, which is the reason I love her-she is so agnostic it's, as, not clever. ‘Kayso, I take the coats and catch a taxi to the Fairmont, which thoroughly annoys the cabbie on the grounds that it's just similar to six squares, yet when I get to the lodging I'm all, â€Å"Fucksocks!† on the grounds that I'm past the point of no return. JODY Falling snoozing was one